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BFP. Words are beyond me.

August 21st, 2009 • Related • Filed Under

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I’ve always wondered, imagining how I would react discovering that I’m finally pregnant. I’m sure everyone reacts differently, but I myself found myself in a space of utter unbelief, like there was this sudden void, and openness about me, almost like someone lifted a dark suffocating membrane from me and I could for once feel the great expanse beyond infertility. It’s like nothing I’ve felt before. I was not overcome with joy, or with tears, just utter relief and a feeling of freedom.

I remember thinking while watching the urine test run to the second line, the thought in my head was “This has to happen some time or another, it might just as well happen now” almost like I was affirming the posibility to myself for fear of experiencing a special kind of blindness that would prevent me from seeing two lines.

My husband responded nearly in kind, his first response “Are you sure those things are right?” I told him that after nearly 3 years of single lines I think it’s rather unlikely that they will suddenly start spewing double lines for no reason.  He insisted a bloodtest immediatley, just to be sure, just to KNOW. TO KNOW beyond doubt.

My Beta came back at 640 on CD29 or 15dpo, which is a bit terrifying to say the least.

Pretty much the whole universe knows by now and I’m overwhelmed by how warmly people are responding, and others expressing the emotion that perhaps I find too diffucult to muster at this stage, including my dear friends that are still battling in the trenches of infertiity.

I’m overcome with thankfulness towards everyone that was praying me through this GIFT, including my mom that intervened for me in prayer the entire time I was in surgery. I’m thankful towards God and the miraculous science that he has put in the hands of commited doctors like Drs. Jacobson, Gobetz & Volschenk from Vitalab.  Their joy at learning the news of my pregnancy convinced me that they care deeply about what they do.  Getting all teary now…

Ok, so this is all still early days. Still many obstacles to overcome and milestones to graduate from. Hoping that all will go well…

Pregnant at last!

There Are 27 Responses So Far. »

  1. Comment by Adi on 21 August 2009:

    :) Phew. Congrats again. Just read your journey to here again, it is so good to read those BFP posts after all that, really is.

    Before you venture into the bliss… please, please, please consider writing up your thoughts on GIFT, why you decided to do it, what you think worked better, comparisons to IVF, just… all those things that are still fresh in your mind! I’ve been trying to find good websites about it and it seems all a bit clueless and clinical.

    All the best. Breathe in, breathe out…

  2. Comment by Abbey on 21 August 2009:

    Congrats again Maritza! I too am doing GIFT with my next cycle and your story has given me such hope! Enjoy ever second of the little miracle growing inside you.

  3. Comment by Kirsty on 21 August 2009:

    WOW – super congrats!!! Fantabulously fantastic news. Keep that pregnancy test stick, and keep staring at it!!! IT’S REAL!! x-x-x

  4. Comment by Sian on 21 August 2009:

    There is nothing better than that BPF feeling! As Ive said before I am so so happy for you. Yesterday when I saw your beta it was almost like it was happening to me. Shivers down the spine etc etc. I guess its because it’s a victory of IF and each victory gives me hope for my own victory. Yes there are lots of milestones ahead, but we are all here for you and I am so confident that we will meet a little M and J in a few months time. (((BIG HUGS)))

  5. Comment by Shaz on 21 August 2009:

    Congratulations SUPER M! Your GIFT success is a shining beacon of hope for me and many like me.
    Wishing you a smooth and stress free pregnancy! Send our love & congratulations to Jerry!
    xx

  6. Comment by Tam on 21 August 2009:

    It’s weird to read this post, it made me cry, happy and sad tears (to be honest) because I too wonder what it will be like to actually have a confirmed pregnancy and as much as I wonder, I can’t actually believe anymore that it will ever happen but there you have it.

    You and Jerry deserve this M, you deserve your happy ending now and I pray that all your milestones are exceeded and that this pregnancy is a strong healthy one!!

    Love and hugs always xxx

  7. Comment by charne on 21 August 2009:

    o M this is such wonderful news! So great that God has blessed you with a BFP!!

    You have been a true inspiration to many couples and i just know that you will continue to be a inspiration!!

    Congratulations to you and your hubby

  8. Comment by Daryl on 21 August 2009:

    God bless you and this pregnancy Maritza.

    May the joy you will experience begin to chase away the clouds of darkness that have been hovering.

    I will be following this pregnancy and the development of Super Baby M with so much excitment.

    XXXX

  9. Comment by Robz on 21 August 2009:

    Oh Super M, i am in utter amazment but i have never doubted that God can do miracles and still is and this is just one of so many he has and will CONTINUE TO DO

  10. Comment by Robz on 21 August 2009:

    Oops lets continue with the abvoe, CONTINUE TO DO for our infertile friends, Sian, Sharon, Kimbal, Sam, Dee,Tam, Elize,and so many other girls who have travelled this road with you and more closely then others like myself and i know when you say you have that feeling of freedom etc but yet your heart aches for those who you leave behind but i know the woman you are you will NEVER leave there side and you will continue to be the precious friend and person you are. M, you deserve this and just enjoy every moment try not to think of the aches, pains, 1st scan etc cause hell it will drive you dilly but just try have a Joy ride Girl, God is in Control and nothing we do will change it!!!!

  11. Comment by Joni on 21 August 2009:

    Oh Super M, I am soo soo eggstatic for you and your DH!! YOU ARE PREGNANT!!! Here’s to 8 fantastic months of bliss as “Super Baby M” develops and to a lifetime of joy he/she/them will bring you guys!!!

    God Bless!!

  12. Comment by Lesley on 21 August 2009:

    Congratulations! So glad the time has come for you and your DH. Wishing for a smooth 8 months ahead.

  13. Comment by SCY on 21 August 2009:

    So very excited and happy for you and Jerry. I look forward to sharing those milestones in the coming months and seeing your tummy grow – well it’s going to have to be via photo’s so best you get that camera trigger happy!

    Much love and may God continue to bless your baby(s).

    xxx

  14. Comment by Melanie on 21 August 2009:

    CONGRATULATIONS!!! I am very happy for you. Hope you have a wonderful pregnancy.
    From Mel

  15. Comment by Adel on 21 August 2009:

    THAT IS WONDERFUL NEWS!!! CONGRATULATIONS.

    I am so glad for you – enjoy every moment.

  16. Comment by Hela on 21 August 2009:

    CONGRATS, Super M!!! It is a very very special time and exciting time and you should be able to enjoy it. But I know what it feels like, it’s that cautiously exciting feeling. It’s real but dreamlike. I remember the day I got the call, I was excited, but the second after that I thought of all the ladies still struggling, those who struggled longer, those going through treatment and more news of BFN’s.

    I only really started enjoying my pregnancy and getting excited after 16 weeks.

    I do believe your GIFT is inspiration and hope to many women out there. Especially after the quality of embryos became questionable.

    May you only have good experiences from here on forward and I agree with Robz, try not to over analyze the twitches, aches and pains – go with the flow and enjoy!

    Good luck for the wait till your 1st Scan!

  17. Comment by Pie on 21 August 2009:

    Congrats! Wonderful news – enjoy it!!

  18. Comment by Elana Kahn on 21 August 2009:

    Big congrats!!!!

  19. Comment by Cindy on 21 August 2009:

    Congrats! that is wonderful :-)

  20. Comment by Tash on 22 August 2009:

    Wow! Huge congratulations!
    I hope that your next 8 months are blissful, you deserve it!

  21. Comment by Rach on 22 August 2009:

    Congratulations! I hope you have a blissfully uncomplicated and healthy 8 months or so!!

    ICLW

  22. Comment by In Due Time on 22 August 2009:

    Congratulations!

  23. Comment by Mrs. Gamgee on 23 August 2009:

    Congratulations! Sending prayers and blessings for you and your new little bean!

  24. Comment by WiseGuy on 23 August 2009:

    WOOHOOOOO! This is the awesome two! Congrats!

    Praying, hoping and wishing that the good news continues!

    ICLW

  25. Comment by Kristin on 23 August 2009:

    2 lines at last!!!! Huge congrats on your BFP and what a fabulous beta!

    Hoping and praying the rest of your pregnancy is smooth and trouble free.

    ~ICLW

  26. Comment by In Due Time on 23 August 2009:

    Congratulations!

    Happy ICLW.

  27. Comment by Gwen on 24 August 2009:

    Congratulations, what wonderful news.

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