Sad, Sick & Tired

I’ve almost recovered from the stray bacteria that “accidentally” (yea right, as if?!) hit the emergency exit button of my digestive system.  I feel like a whilted leaf, only with stomach cramps.  I’m tired, exhausted, moeg & capot.  Not quite the way I expected to feel in the last few days running up to the holidays.  But here we are stomach cramps and all, and all and so and so forth.  Now that we’re on that topic, have you noticed that the south african political version of the indian “and all and all” is “an so and so forth”.  I think they’re trained to replace uhm and ahh with “and so and so forth”, it’s the “smart” version of “there is a lot more to say about this, but I’m not smart enough to crystalise it in short enough sentences, so let’s just aree that there is a lot more to say, and you go read up about it, mkay?”

Anyhow, enough about inarticulate politicians, I don’t have te energy.

My heart sank last night as my husband discussed his feelings about this whole infertility thing.  As always, his mind took a completely different angle on the issue.  He told me that he was sad because he was going to be an “old” dad, and that he might never live to see his grandchildren.  I’ve never thought about it that way.  In my mind I’ll sing glory halleluja if I manage to birth a child before I’m 35, but by then he’ll be 40…I’ve never thought about it that way…(not that 40 is old…and so and so forth) but he’ll be 50 when his child is 10?!  I felt so sorry for him, and wished that I could do something to make things happen sooner.  Reality does not quite match what we had envisioned for ourselves – a sprawling bunch of bambinos by 2010.  What is there to say?  It’s sad.

My husband is always the positive one, cheering me on, encouraging me to be patient, so last night came as a bit of a surprise.  It’s horrible being in this position and nothing makes one feel more helpless than knowing that there is very little one can do about this other than praying and following doctor’s orders.

The story gets more sad by the day.  Urghhh…need to pop an anti-cramp pill…and so and so forth.