Comments on: Processing a failed IVF, emotional impact

By: Colette

Colette — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 04:35:33 +0000

I am so devastated after a failed IVF. My emotions are so all over the place. We have been trying for 3 years. Two IUIs and now this IVF and ZIFT. We had 3 fertilized eggs. Today my period started and the pain is overwhelming. We had our meeting with the DR and he said we should either do a MINI IVF treatment or egg donor but first take a few months off. In a week I turn 40. We are totally against egg donor. I feel broken and like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. We love our DR, he’s actually our 3rd DR and his clinic is great. The problem mostly has been all the mishaps in life, deaths in the family, part of me just wonders when is the happiness going to come our way.

By: Grace

Grace — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 09:11:57 +0000

I have read all these and i cannot tell you how you have encouraged me.
ASttention. All of you a lucky becouse for me . in my country you even have no where to find these services.
Am to travel for my 7th IVF trial.
IO want a child by hook or crook and before i get one i will not rest.

By: Ivy

Ivy — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 14:14:33 +0000

I too am 41 years old and I have found comfort reading all of your posts. It does seem like we are just forgotten and left to pick up the pieces on our own.

I started this IF process when I was 39 and then 40 came and went. We ran the whole gammet starting with clomid. I did get a BPF only to end in m/c at 5 weeks. I am still greiving “what if”, a terrible place to go. Fast forwarding through the stim cycles we moved onto IVF this year with the recommendations of two dif. REs. We just knew it would work and when it didn’t I fell apart and went into a deep depression for about two months. We had one more shot with two 5-day frosties. We discovered I had the MTFR gene and changed up the protocol…I KNEW this would work. We got the dreaded call two hours prior to the transfer that during thawing, one blast’s shell fell apart and “all the contents spilled out”. “You mean my little one?” is all I tought. The remaining blast was badly damaged with only a 15% of recovery. DH and I went through the motions to finish what we started by I already wrote it off. Still, it was so hard to get THE call even though I knew.

I never thought I would be in this spot. It seems like everyone I know around my age that is going through IF it has worked for them. I am finding myself more isolated and bitter. I just never thought I would be here, especially when I have tried so hard, always had “outstanding cycles” and all I have is a broken heart and medical bills. I am trying to hard keep living a normal life but I have deep hidden pain that doesnt seem to go away.

By: Bee

Bee — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 17:34:35 +0000

It’s great reading all your experiences at it gives me so much hope. This was my 1st ivf/icsi cycle (41 years old) and yesterday i got a big fat negative and my period came. We got 3 good eggs and all 3 fertilised! i have been so positive and hopeful through our journey but now feel so low, sad and cannot come to terms with the loss of my 3 embabies! My dh is so depressed as we both put so much love and effect into the cycle. It’s comforting to know that there are so many of us out there going through this pain as we so want to become parents. we had complete faith that it would work and we would at least get one child. Life has to go on but it’s so hard.

By: Neacy

Neacy — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 17:59:09 +0000

Wow..I thought I was the only one dealing with this type of pain. My 1st cycle failed and my dh and I are devastated. We were not prepared for IVF not working for us. Our only problem was that I had a tubal 9 yrs ago. Everything went according to plan. Produced 12 egss. Lost 7 by retrieval day cause my body started to ovulate. Retrieved 5, 3 fertilized. We transferred all 3 into the womb. I never thought I was going to hear those words that I will never forget. In fact, I will never forget that day, July 1st. I have covered up that day on every calendar I have cause to see it is a constant reminder of the pain that day caused us. I expected my dh to be hurt but I was totally unprepared for the tears I saw this man shed. He was as depressed as me. We had total faith that we would get at least one child. The funny this is…I still have pregnacy symptoms. Is it only because I wanted it so bad? Another thing that saddens me is that the center that I went to does not follow up with their patients. I feel they should contact you at least a week after the “news” to see how things are going, and to answer any questions you may have. They just give you the bad news and move on. That’s sad. Our bodies are still going through things from all the meds that we may not understand unless we search for the answer. They should have a support team for their patients. I don’t know if we will ever be able to afford another cycle but I do continue to pray for a miracle from above.

By: Lia

Lia — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 18:24:10 +0000

I too had a BFN on Friday and I am have been crying for days. Trying too to figure out what to do next and am amazed at these ladies who can endure for 5+ tries. I dont even know if I can do it one more time and go through this pain again…

By: TO

TO — Fri, 29 May 2009 10:45:22 +0000

It’s 2 days since my negative result after first IVF. Had 10 eggs, 6 fertilised, 2 placed in womb. I was just as positive – thought this was it and now have to live with this disappointment. Wish I could be anywhere else but here. Not sure what our next steps will be.

By: Bashni

Bashni — Mon, 25 May 2009 14:45:27 +0000

I’m having my blood test done tommorrow, and as horrible as it sounds,I know I’m not pregnant. It’s our first IVF. We had 9 eggs, all fertilised, but by day 5, only 2 were ongoing, but not even close to the size they should be. I feel so much regret for giving up that day. My husband is still so postive, and it breaks my heart. Every day since the embryo transfer has been painfull. I have been so positive all the way. But I gave up. I feel a sense of loss, that I can’t really descibe to anyone. I am sorry for all of us. I might consider adoption. I wonder if sometimes things are suppose to happen for a reason.

By: Invivo

Invivo — Thu, 14 May 2009 14:48:56 +0000

Penny, I’m so sorry about your result. Dealing with your period arriving and the following four weeks are always the toughest. You need to allow yourself to grieve this loss. With each loss you face new and unique challenges and there is no formula on how to do this. With each new attempt we face new fears and accepting those fears and proceeding in spite of them is how we grow into dealing with them. Once you conquer one fear, the next will arrise undoubtedly, that’s the way of life. Allow yourself to be afraid and sad, and amidst this, move forward one small step at a time. Some days you simply need to keep breathing other days you will feel more courage, but until the courage arrives, just hang in there and be kind to yourself. There is a season to be afraid and there is a season to be bold. Don’t try and enter the battlefield with bleeding wounds. Take care of yourself first.

By: Penny

Penny — Thu, 14 May 2009 11:22:17 +0000

I have just found out that I too am not pregnant, I have cried tears that I never knew were possible. Getting up to dust oneself off and try again as everyone keeps saying – how do you get over the fear that now consumes you